Take Root and Write

Hollywood Romance or Real Relationship?

 
You know you've done it.

You've dreamed about a dashing romantic hero who will sweep you off your feet and take you away from the dullness of everyday life. Far away from the boredom of the mundane, you will delight in the continuous excitement of true love!

'Course, there are many, many ways this scene can play out. It's as unique as your own life, colored by the different experiences you've had and the people you've met.

For instance, you just might find yourself on a cruise ship in the middle of the north Atlantic Ocean, and a handsome young man discovers how beautiful you are. Amidst chaos and confusion, as the ship begins to sink, the two of you run away from the crowds to steal a desperate kiss.

Or, you may be listening to a radio program and hear the sorrowful voice of a young widower, struggling to survive the loss of his beloved wife. Strangely compelled to write to this man, you send off a letter inviting him to meet you on top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day for a second chance at love.

Even better, you risk your own life rescuing a young man who was thrown in front of a subway train. Sitting by his side, as he remains in a coma at the hospital, you gradually fall in love with his rugged older brother, who's more suited for you than you ever imagined.

In Defense of Lame Religious Advice

I know, you're tired of them - those religious answers which always downplay the emotions you're feeling about singleness and your desire for companionship.

"Just wait on God!" Uh, yeah! I have been waiting....for like one hundred years, it seems!

"When you're least expecting it is when he'll appear." I'm not expecting it; I'm not expecting it; I'm not expecting it....For crying out loud, where IS he?

"Keep your focus on Jesus; He's better than any husband!" I love Jesus. He is perfect. But it sure would be nice to have a date on a Friday night. . .and someone to hold my hand.

"The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord; the married woman is distracted. You have so much time to serve." Hmmm, let's see. I do Children's Ministry on Wednesday nights, Youth on Thursday, choir on Sunday mornings, and hit up the homeless outreach every other Friday, besides working and part time college. I'm too exhausted to even have time for a date, even if I were asked!

"Maybe you have some things to work on in your life; you may not be ready for marriage." Well, I'm financially independent, a spiritual leader, physically active, and emotionally stable. I've got money in the bank for a wedding, and household items enough to fill a house. What more do you think I need?

"You simply need a little more faith." Faith? Faith? I've been believing what seems impossible for 10 years now!

"You're too picky." Is it too much to ask for a guy to love Jesus wholeheartedly and be at least partially good looking? I'm not expecting a hunk or anything!

Need Some Resources? Here's A Few

Setting out into the singles scene, whether you have yet to meet that special someone or whether you have loved and lost, can seem a daunting task for even the most adventurous among us. How will we know when we have met the right one? How will we navigate a relationship? How will we learn to trust again after devastating circumstances? Besides God, who can help us through these situations and give us solid advice to make right decisions?

Many resources abound to help singles navigate the world of dating, courtship, and even contentment. As a Christian single woman, however, it is often difficult to find books and articles with appropriate content to lead one closer to Christ. One needs to choose between those resources oriented toward the world's way and those directed at Christians, without running headlong into one extreme or another!

Over the years, I have found several resources to be an invaluable addition to my library, as well as my online content.

First of all, I cannot say enough about the excellent material to be found at Boundless. Not only do they publish articles, blogs, and books, they also produce a weekly podcast and answer weekly questions from readers and listeners. They cover everything - from breaking up, to step-parenting, to celibacy, to communication, to mentoring - and they even address the hard situations like porn or pregnancy. It doesn't stop with relationship advice, either. On the blog and podcast they also address other issues facing young Christian adults, both in the political and religious arenas, even music and movies. And despite the demographic mainly focused toward the 18-30 something range, the wealth of material can easily apply to adults of any age. For a small sampling of material and an excellent resource, see their Girls' Guide to Marrying Well.

Quit the Charades!

Walking into the church sanctuary, I scan for my prospects.

There's Robby. He's liked me for at least three months, but who's counting? I like him, as a person, but I don't LIKE-like him. A haircut would do him a world of good, and he's a bit too short for me - we're basically at eye level, and I'd prefer to gaze up into my husband's eyes. Yet he has a heart of gold, and he loves Jesus, so I'd say yes if he asks me out. Which he won't.

Yikes! Better move off to the right, as I can see Aaron on the left side of the room. He likes me a lot - probably a bit too much. I catch him staring at me constantly, and he will hang within a few feet of me when I'm talking to others. If he has a moment to butt in, he'll inevitably ask me personal questions and if that falls flat, at least where I'm going to hang out after church tonight. I've dropped subtle hints and not-so-subtle hints that I'm not interested to no avail.

There's John....my latest crush. He just joined the church a few months back, but he's followed Christ since the age of fifteen. He's got a sparkling personality, brilliant blue eyes, and a passion for kids, just like me. It seems as if he enjoys talking to me, and he's always asking me questions. But is it just to get to know me since we work together?

So plays out the game of charades, singles style.

How to Find Mr. Darcy

Now, if you're a girl that loves quality books and movies as much as I do, and you've at least seen or read Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) once or more, I've likely drawn your attention simply by the title of my article.

That was entirely intentional.

I am currently in the process of reading the book completely through, as I figured that it might be helpful to my understanding of life in general, and how to comprehend why men do what they do. Besides which I would like to enjoy the movie(s) more by having read the book. I'm pretty sure I watch the 2005 movie at least once a month, if not more. . .What can I say? I'm a romantic at heart!

But I digress.

I do not want to spend all of this article discussing the finer points of turning a well-known novel into a movie, nor expounding on the virtues of a most-desired type of man, but rather to lay out what it takes for a single woman to draw the attentions of an honorable gentleman.

I think I speak for most women when I say I want a man who is characterized by gentleman-like qualities.
I want a man whom others would refer to as a loyal companion, generous, and governed by right conduct and prudent speech. And of course, I want a man who is irresistibly head-over-heels in love with me - who just can't get me out of his head.

Of all characters in literature and now film, there are few men who have those universally attractive qualities as Mr. Darcy. No matter what kind of feminist rhetoric a woman will proclaim with her mouth, she simply cannot but take notice of a man who opens the door for her and listens politely when she speaks. I do say take notice, because even if she never dates nor marries such a man, at the minimum her interest is piqued by his actions which may give a clue to his deeper character.

Source of Encouragement

"We all wanna be loved. We all want just a little respect....Tell me what's wrong with that?" dc Talk
 
As single Christian women, we often long for a husband simply for the fact that we desire someone to be our greatest supporter. We want someone who will encourage us daily, speak life and truth to us, and hold us accountable to help us grow in our walk with Christ.

These desires are valid, and very important. God spoke in Genesis 2:18 that it is not good that man should be alone, and if men should not be alone, neither should we!

I have observed many times among my single acquaintances, however, that in their desire for words of affirmation and encouragement, some women have placed themselves in a relationship only because the man knows what to say to make their heart melt. When it comes down to the man's character, or whether the Lord has called them to a relationship in that moment, these women struggle to find justification for remaining in that relationship. They are torn between the negative aspects of disobeying God, and the positive affirmation they receive frequently from their partner.

Self-Hatred Is NOT Attractive

Meet Sue.

Sue is a young and beautiful Christian woman who would love nothing other than to marry a handsome and confident man of God. She reads clean romance novels and listens intently to older women she knows, gathering ideas about the ideal man she can expect God to send her way. She has made a list of all the things that are most important - placing "a solid relationship with God" at the top of the list.

Sue has a steady job, her debt is under control, and she has a great living situation and reliable transportation. She keeps her home clean, knows how to cook, and is a very trustworthy babysitter. She is generous with her resources and always a listening ear or a strong encourager to the people around her.

By this description, one might believe that men are virtually climbing over each other for a chance to date Sue. She's practically the perfect candidate for a wife! Yet Sue has never had a date. No handsome and confident man of God has ever asked her out. Why, you may ask? Because Sue has one major flaw that holds her back from everything she longs for - self-hatred.

Self-hatred has a fairly simple definition. In fact, I don't think I even need a dictionary - it is simply the hatred of one's self. For different people, this can mean different things. For instance, it can refer to one's physical body, one's personality, or even one's emotional state. In Sue's case, it refers to absolutely everything.

What To Do On A Friday Night

Okay, let's take a moment to really get real.

What does a good Christian single gal do on a Friday night when everyone else is either otherwise engaged or on a date?

I'm serious. After years of not having any one consistent person to hang out with every weekend, I got pretty good at pretending I was fine, despite the inner turmoil I truly felt when anticipating yet another night to remind me that God had not yet brought my husband into my life.

It's enough to drive a girl crazy and force her to lock herself at home, mourning her lack of connection with the world around her - maybe even desperately search those Christian singles sites in hopes to avoid that very situation come the next week! I'm not referring to anyone you know, of course....

 
Honestly, when one is in the trenches of waiting for God's best, it is often lonely and seems unfair that God would withhold what appears to be the norm for any other person in the world. Especially for Christian singles - both girls and guys - it seems even more unfair, since most have a godly conviction that keeps us from clubbing and barhopping to find someone to spend the night with.

In this modern age, many options are available for "hooking up" even in the Christian singles realm. Yet how do you know which options are valid pursuits? How do you know you aren't walking into just another worldly place with a Christian facade? And is that what God is really expecting you to do on Friday night? 

Ah! The Confusing Smell of Opinion Soup

Soup is delicious....sometimes.

For a night shift nurse at our hospital, there are definitely some perks that come with the job.

For instance, because the cafeteria is closed during our entire shift (even if we work 12 hours), they leave all the leftover soup out for us after midnight, so we can have a bowl - free of charge.

I know you're wondering what's so great about leftover soup, but since they make it from scratch, some of that soup has some pretty awesome flavor. Often packed full of vegetables and spices, it not only warms you up, but gives you a boost to make it through h the next few hours of patient care.

Sometimes, though, the cook just runs out of normal things that work well together to make soup. So a bowl of that kind of soup might have normal ingredients that just don't match well as far as a combination of flavors. We may try to choke it down, but more often we just throw it out.

However, that is not the kind of soup I want to talk about.

Much like the leftover soup from my hospital's cafeteria, the different things that we hear from others may have a great combination of colors and flavors, may make us feel good on the inside and may even give us an energy boost to get us through the different moments of our lives. The combination of opinions from many different people gives us a well-rounded view of the world and what constitutes proper ways of approaching different issues.

Can I Mess Up God's Will For My Life?

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28 NKJV)

 Ever wonder whether you missed the will of God for your life?

Ever ponder whether a choice you made completely altered the course of your life and you can never change the effects of that choice?

 Ever think that God can't really forgive you for the mistakes you made intentionally when you knew you should have listened to Him?

Well, I certainly have had my share of wondering over the events and circumstances of my life - the decisions I've made, the choices I wavered over before walking in a specific direction, the relationships that changed me for the better and sometimes not-much-better.

When life gets rough, we often tend to question whether our choices - especially the ones that we know were not of God's will - have led us to a place where God's promises for good do not apply to us. How can God rightly bless me when I so clearly have strayed from His perfect direction for my life? How can God possibly still have good plans for my life when I have walked my own way? Will He really never leave me nor forsake me?

Maintaining Clear Boundaries; As a Single Christian Girl

You know the story.

Girl meets guy. Guy woos girl....says stuff like, "You're just so beautiful," and "I can't believe how wonderful you are," and "Other guys were fools not to see how much you ____," and so on.

Guy is not exactly the ideal of godliness, and he may even have some habits and behavioral tendencies that would make even the weakest believer cringe, but girl does not care.

 She knows in her heart that guy is not really all that bad, and more than that, because she's strong in faith, they will work as a couple with her taking the spiritual lead.

She knows better than to end up in bed with him - that commandment is as clear as day in her mind. There's no way she'd break that rule.

Yeah right.

And so the story goes. First she lets him kiss her, then she finds herself making out on the couch, and the next thing she knows, she's dealing with a whole load of shame, if not an unplanned pregnancy.

No, I'm not cynical. Yet I do see an increasing number of women pass through our labor & delivery unit without a wedding band, and many claim to be professing Christians. So how do they end up there, when the Scripture is so explicitly clear on the matter?

Paul gives us a direct admonition regarding the life of faith in I Corinthians 10:12 - "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall." (NKJV) This Scripture reflects the classic warning in Proverbs: "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18 NKJV).The first reason why a woman, or anyone for that matter, falls into a pattern of sin, has to do with her self-perception. She ignores the warnings about dating someone weak in the faith (or not at all in the faith) and says to herself, I am an exception - I will be able to resist sin. My sisters, the Bible speaks very clearly to this condition: "Do not be unequally yoked," (II Corinthians 6:14 NKJV) which in plain English means Do Not Be Unequally Yoked!

Excelling in Excellence

   

" 'Many daughters have done well,

     But you excel them all.'

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,

      But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands,

      And let her own works praise her in the gates"

(Proverbs 31:29-31 NKJV).

Oh, dear....now I'm talking about that "Proverbs 31 Woman" - that quintessential definition of a godly Christian woman that no one, and I mean no one, could possibly measure up to. Let's face it, she's just like Mary Poppins. Remember that part in the movie when she has the children measure her with her magical measuring tape, and lo and behold, the tape reveals the line: "Mary Poppins: Practically Perfect in Every Way." Yeah, that kind of a woman. She has perfect children, the perfect husband, the perfect house, the perfect job, and on top of that, she's the kind of spiritual giant that's Joyce Meyers, Ruth Graham, and Lisa Bevere rolled into one!

Considering the fact that most of the people reading this column are, like me, still unmarried, we cannot even qualify for half the stuff this Proverbs 31 chick has got going for her. Last I checked, I do not have even one maidservant. I think I might remember how to sew a basic stitch, but I definitely have not made any garments out of wool or fine linen. Oh, and that whole "rising early" thing? Yeah, um, I work nights so I'm usually heading off to bed when most people are waking up. I know for a fact that I'm not a morning person. So why would I even bring her up, other than to rub it in that once again, we fall miserably short of the perfect biblical standard of the virtuous and excellent wife? We cannot possibly expect in all fairness to be compared with her.

Or can we?

Of Being Real

"Remember our history, friends, and be warned. All our ancestors were led by the providential Cloud and taken miraculously through the Sea. They went through the waters, in a baptism like ours, as Moses led them from enslaving death to salvation life. They all ate and drank identical food and drink, meals provided daily by God. They drank from the Rock, God's fountain for them that stayed with them wherever they were. And the Rock was Christ. But just experiencing God's wonder and grace didn't seem to mean much—most of them were defeated by temptation during the hard times in the desert, and God was not pleased."
I Corinthians 10:1-5 The Message

I have a confession to make: I am not perfect. All my life I have compared myself to others. And most of the time I am either critiquing others or critiquing myself because I somehow have fallen short.

There. I said it. Whew! Amazingly it feels great to get that off my chest!

Now you can see me as I really am - the real Leah. Not the posted up image of some great spiritual giant (yeah right!) or a person with impossibly high standards developed over many years of walking with God. Nope - just the real, down-to-earth, sinner barely saved by grace critic that I am, who faces a daily battle in her mind over things that she should have resolved years ago if one can achieve perfection in this life.

No, the only perfect person walked the earth about 2000 years ago, and then left it in the care of a bunch of former welfare recipients and church outcasts who preached a crazy message that cost most of them their lives. According to Paul's confession, even the one who wrote most of the New Testament considered himself the "chief of sinners"

Beauty in Humility

"Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." I Peter 3:3-4

I want to take a moment to look at this well-known Scripture to draw out a point. Now, I know whole sermons have been preached on this topic, and massive theological arguments have been built on this verse, and being neither a preacher nor a theological scholar, I can only look at this from the standpoint of someone who reads Scripture to simply hear from God and find what applies to me.

Let me set this up briefly on the front end. As singles, we often look at our lives and ask ourselves what may need to change before we will be noticed, pursued, and wooed. Very well-meaning individuals around us, particularly those happily married and thus far removed from our situation, might "help" us along by pointing us to Scriptures that would "improve" our eligibility.

I have often felt that even though I strive to do EVERYTHING they tell me to do, for some reason those boys still will not ask me out! Try as I might, I cannot find any way to make myself more eligible. Now, I understand that some single women might have legitimate issues, but a majority of the single women I know are simply wonderful. (If you'd like to examine some of the other misconceptions of eligibility, see Boundless' excellent article Seven Myths Single Women Believe.) So my conclusion of the whole set up leads to the following: let us, as single women, strive to grow in Christ together, independent of trying to attract a man's attention.

Leaving a Legacy with Your Life

If you were to die today, what would those who know you best say at your funeral? Have you made an impact with your life? What about those who don’t know you personally, what would they say about your life?

At the age of 18, I was forced to deal with these very issues. After first being diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and later re-diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder, I really thought I would die at a young age. So, I began to plan the details of the funeral (service flow, songs, speakers, etc.). This wasn’t a morbid time, but just one detail that I was sparing my parents from, plus I really wanted it to be a celebration of life.  Well, in case you haven’t noticed…I’m still alive!  I still struggle with illness, but have experienced God’s miraculous healing time after time. Hindsight is often times 20/20. In the moment of illness, I don’t particularly appreciate the lessons I’m learning, but after the fact, I see so clearly exactly what God was allowing me to see.   

I keep the piece of paper with the details of my funeral to remind me of that moment. Because as I was thinking about my funeral, I also went on a journey of thinking about the impact my life had made on those around me. As I thought about what people would say or think, I wasn’t particularly satisfied with the impact I had made at that point in my life.  I wanted my life to be about so much more. The illness has been a catalyst for so many incredible things in my life:

• I went on a journey of discovering who I want to become and taking the steps to live those qualities out with my life.
• I discovered that my purpose is to help women discover and begin living out their unique life purpose.
• I later founded iBloom, an organization dedicated to inspiring women (i) to discover and live out their unique life purpose, (ii) to live balanced, healthy, and thriving lives, and (iii) to become passionate in their personal relationship with God!

 So, as you think about your life, who do you want to become? What qualities do you want exhibited in your life? “Character is not made in crisis; it is only exhibited” says Andy Stanley, “There is no cramming for a test of character. It always comes as a pop quiz. You’re either ready or you’re not. It is the law of the harvest at work. In the moment of testing you will reap what you have sown.” What character qualities are you sowing in your life? What qualities do you hope to reap during the “pop quiz?” What is your legacy?

Welcome to our OPEN HOUSE!

Hello Single Gals!

Welcome to our OPEN HOUSE!  I hope this will be a column where you find encouragement and inspiration in your journey!  I'm SO excited to get to know each of you and can't wait to see all that God has in store as we journey together!

Please take a moment to introduce yourself in the comment section here. Or if you want more privacy use our group next door at Christian Women Take Root, titled the same as this column. Can be found here.  I want this to be more than just articles, but a community where we can live life together!

• Your Name & Age (if you're willing to share!)
• A little about your faith journey.
• What do you like to do for fun?
• Your Favorites - Restaurant, Book, Movie, Color, and anything else you want to share...
• AND...what types of articles, things, materials, resource you're looking for through this column.

I can't wait to get to know you!!

Just a reminder, this is a monthly article (for now, anyway!) that will be posted on the third Monday of each month!  So, that's July 21st this month.

Intro: Purposed, Passionate, Thriving & SINGLE!

Inspiring single women to:
Discover and live out your unique life purpose. Live balanced, healthy, and thriving lives. Become passionate in your personal relationship with God.

Come, Lets Journey Together.

By, Leah Orcutt
Column Posted Third Monday every Month/ Also a group in CWTR here.